I like to... buy things.

 LoL. That last post was a dramatic start to this blog, huh? haha I guess that's what this shin-dig is all about, though. When I feel so... much, I can't help but write it down. Or explode. Probably both.

So, here's what happened after that: I made an appointment with a therapist. Or tried to. Apparently there was a miscommunication, so now it's scheduled for next week- not last week, like I originally thought. Oops? 

I also had a meeting with Shawn; we talked about the "project", and decided to try something different. So, we're going to scale back the house part of the renovations and scrap the barn. For now. Hearing the inspector talk about how we'd need a new roof, heating system, the oil tanks rusting out, and all that, I realize now that I internalized all that angst and.. it was killing me that I'd spend all this money and then something could go wrong and we'd be in way over our heads. So, now.. instead of opening up the entire downstairs like I'd originally wanted, we're leaving the walls in place and just.. redoing in situ. It'll save us about $25k, which is awesome, and leaves us some leeway to at least get the "must do now" stuff done. I also think he may be right in that, "It'll make you feel better than a barn, to come home and have SOMETHING just.. done. Then you can focus on the things you love and not feel obligated every available minute of the day to be a construction worker." Fair enough. So, we're going to try that tact. I told him to just do whatever he wanted.. and this week then took over again. bahaha I'm the worst customer ever, but at least he understands. Ooh.. I picked out this countertop material- quartzite? It is... gorgeous. And different. And.. I'll put a picture in. I just became obsessed with it, but it's the most expensive stone on the lot in Douglas, so I may have to just.. go a bit more basic. In keeping with the "modernization, but on the cheap-er" theme. 

Macauba's Fantasty.. Ooh.. So pretty..

It kills be a bit to not be building a barn, both logically and for the idea of getting my prospect, but.. we'll see how the spring shakes out- maybe we can revisit it in the fall? Or.. maybe do what Chelsea did- small barn, lots of run-ins?

What else...? Mmm.. Oh. Well, I called the breeder. Hah. Breeder of what, I bet you want to know. Well.. I'd been looking for a prospect to bring up and start myself as Sherwood's protege- I originally went out looking for a 2-3 yo Saddlebred, because.. well, I just love them. I think they're so cool. Unfortunately, I have since nixed plans to build a barn and found out that I just can't afford any of the ones I think would be good eventers, because they would also be good saddleseat horses- and those go for much much more money than sporthorses. Oy. And honestly, I think that's what set all this off- I thought I found a good prospect, but then we changed plans and no barn, and.. I had to just.. say no because the timing sucked. Board would have been too expensive at the barn she was at or anywhere around here, and I didn't have a stall. Le sigh. 

Anyway- so, in a fit of sheer temptation, I looked on the CANTER site- you know, that dreaded site with all the pretty racehorses on it? Yeah. Haven't looked at it in.. probably a year, but just got bored at work 2 weeks ago, and... wait, yearlings..?? When did yearlings go up on CANTER??? Needless to say, my attention was piqued. So.. I may have researched some bloodlines, looked up some pictures and videos, etc., talked to Shelby, and.. put the idea back down. I may have also picked out a name for the baby in question- by Niagara Causeway out of Space Angel--> Starfall/Skyfall, something or other, because she was unnamed at that point, with the exception of his granddaughter calling her Sunflower. LoL

So, Friday.. last Friday. I had a week to look everything up, discuss, talk myself out of it, then research some more, and.. I called the breeder. Who had since put up 4 more broodmares and a couple washups. And.. this lovely elderly gent is closing up shop bc of medical issues, and.. honestly, this filly is really cool for a couple reasons. Her DAM is a warhorse retired sound; she is very likely the last filly out of her sire; she wasn't weaned at this time (going on 9 months)- which I read leads to more secure and better-boned individuals; he's going to let her new owner put in the JC name; she has amazing sporthorse lines for stamina, movement, and brain; she looks to be a plain bay with only a big star (oh.. my heart.); and he'll charge $300/month for board until May. 

"Last Starfall" AKA Sunny

She's evened out from this picture!!

I'm currently stalling, half hoping someone comes along and scoops her up, but knowing that I will be incredibly sad if they do. Also knowing that without a place to put her, or a solid plan, I'm not really doing her any good. 

As for work, I spoke to Andy about some of my frustrations, and I'm going to just be more selective on the days I pick up- who I work with, how many I do, etc. I can't burn myself out and get depressed about karma when I have stuff that depends on me. 

And I also spoke to Logan. I told him that his indecision and negativity is killing me. That the reason I hesitate is partly because of my own ADD, but also partly because of his indecision to stay in one place. So.. we're scaling back the house renos so that way we can sell it if we need to, but also declutter and make ourselves feel better that way. 

OOH!! AND! Look!! The bathroom shower got glass- it is working and awesome, and.. I love it. 

Um, can we say YESSSSS!!!