WE moved to KY. It's been terrible. Honestly. There are a lot of good things, but I'd move back to New England in most of a heartbeat, if I could be sure things would go back to the way they were and everything wasn't just a terrible coincidence. Everything has broken. Everything. WE came down with 2 pickups, my BMW, Kaiser, mini truck, and Prius, and... 6 months later, we have a BMW with unfixable AC (super fun on those 90+ degree days), and a dually Ram. The gray truck keeps being released from the shop with its $13k repair tag (Ermahgerd.), but going back the next day bc... it keeps breaking. I am so tired.
We live in a trailer with the three dogs (Loki is still here, along with Tater and Cowboy), and whereas the house was supposed to be DONE in 3-6 months, you can still see studs everywhere and daylight in many places. I am.. so tired.
Oh, and we're broke. Broke broke. Like.. 2 mortgages on this house, cars still broken everywhere and I Can't afford to fix them, broke. Lay down and just... stay asleep... tired.
Now onto the really fun stuff.
Seth sent me a news article about some guy who was arrested for a bomb threat against Gillette stadium. I took one look at the picture of the guy and recognized Andy Buchanan. Dirty, haggard, but undeniably Andy. The rest of the article goes on to explain how he was dx'd with schizophrenia 12ish years ago and has been off the rails, that Suzie B is sad that he's in trouble but glad because maybe it will help get more awareness and assistance for those in crisis.
I had a dream- and I'm absolutely sure it relates back to this.
It was a couple weeks before graduation of college (I'm pretty sure), and I'd come home to help out with something. Seth was there and we were just.. fighting. Viciously. Like we used to. There was a stranger there, a new friend of my Mom's, maybe? Dad hadn't gotten home from work yet. Anyway, Seth and I were putting on a show and it was just too much for Mom. She told me I was the problem and to get out. I argued with her that Seth was starting it, but she didn't want to hear it, and that I should just get out. I'm not sure how it turned into me being cut off, but that was how it ended- I said, "I don't know, I feel like there's something wrong with me. I'm doing things I don't normally do, but I'm not hanging out with people I wouldn't hang out with, yet." I grabbed my old stuffies and was walking out the door when Dad walked in from work. I tried so hard to not let him know what happened, just that I was leaving early. I got into my car, took a left out of Black Hut Rd. house, and there was construction on the corner late at night. I had to slow down for it, but once I Was past it, I just slowly drove off into the dark.
I was trying to explain to Logan about SB and the Buchanans, and how I hadn't been a friend of Andy's, but how he and SB had been good friends growing up. To be honest, I'd been a little jealous of their relationship when I was younger. Seth and I had always been so adversarial. So to have your best friend change and warp and suddenly be violent, shut off, and apparently aggressive for no discernible reason.. My heart hurts for SB. My heart hurts for her entire family, but is crushed for SB. I'm so sorry, SB, for not being there for you. I'm putting this out in the universe, and I hope you and your mom feel it- support, love, empathy. Susie B, I'm so sorry for your loss. It is a loss, losing one so precious to mental health crisis. It's a death that just keep hitting. I hope you find peace.
